MichalI can’t believe it’s been a year since we moved to France. While our visa renewal for another year is STILL processing (we’ve been assured this is normal), assuming that all goes well, we plan on staying in France for the foreseeable future, and maybe even one day applying for the coveted French citizenship.
So with a year of life in France under our belts, what have we learned and discovered? I’ve been thinking a lot about this subject and here are a few of my conclusions.
I’m no longer scared of French people
I know this might sound a little funny, but it makes sense when you think about how the French are presented in entertainment and media abroad. It’s a lot of cliches and stereotypes, but at least in the English-speaking world, the French are presented as ultra-refined, snobbish, stylish, chic, cultured unicorns that we mere mortals can not hope to ever come close to emulating. Also if you do not speak French perfectly you will be shut down with an icy stare. Ok, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point.
Of course, realistically I knew that wasn’t true. I had traveled multiple times in France before our move and seen that wasn’t the case, and yet still I sort of bought into that myth, the idea of the perfect French person.
After moving here, I’ve lost that belief. It gradually faded away over the months, and I stopped thinking of people here as FRENCH first and foremost, instead I think of them as just people, normal human beings. Some French people are quite stylish, some are slobs, most fit somewhere in between the two extremes. Some are quiet and reserved, and others are quite talkative and gregarious. Just like any other country in the world and its stereotypes, the stereotypes about the French are just that. They don’t fit everyone and really don’t apply to the vast majority.
Once I realized that, that my French neighbors and friends were normal humans and not these mythical, finicky unicorns, I relaxed and found I wasn’t stressed in my interactions with them. Instead I focused on the main reason for my interaction with them. Once I did this I noticed I had even better, more enjoyable interactions with them, because I wasn’t trapped in my head with all my worries about the (false) cliches.
Not everything in France is perfect but I don’t mind that
I absolutely love my life in France, but it is far from perfect. For example, we’re currently living in an apartment where one of the rooms had a water leak and is unusable due to the damage done and the black mold growing on the walls. This happened in December and it’s looking like it won’t be fixed until March at the earliest, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it took even longer.
That’s not great and I’m not happy about that, but I find that overall I enjoy life here so much that I can deal with these inconveniences and still be very happy. This wasn’t the case with my life in the United States. In my years spent in the US, I lived in several different states. I lived in both the South and the North, but I can honestly say I never loved living in any of them. There was in my mind simply categories of “bad” or “not as bad” when it came to our living situations in the US. And any inconveniences or problems that would arise pushed any situation into the “bad” or “terrible” category.
That’s why I’ve been so surprised how despite problems and inconveniences (all totally normal and to be expected, no place is perfect) I still find myself thinking “eh that’s ok, it’s still completely worth it to live here”.
I did worry that I would have a honeymoon phase with my life in France and that after a few months and a few problems, I would fall out of love with our life here and become bitter and cynical. However, I can say confidently, that has not been the case.
I’m forgetting how things work in the US
This is a small but funny one for me. There are several small differences between our life here and in the US and now after a year in France I’ve adapted to the French way of doing some things and now I’m forgetting how things work back in the US.
For example, several times I’ve had to stop and pause when I’m talking to someone and describing what floor an apartment or office is on and realize that I now subconsciously default to the European way of counting floors (In France the first floor is the first floor at the top of the stairs, AKA the second floor in the US).
I’ve switched to the metric system of measurements and temperatures and now find it awkward to try to equate what 12 degrees Celsius is in Fahrenheit.
I’ve even adapted to the French standards of meal times and habits. I used to eat dinner somewhere between five and six thirty but now I never eat before seven, more likely seven thirty or eight, and always at the table, never in front of the TV (ok, except when we eat pizza, then we have an “American night” and watch TV while we eat).
I never experienced culture shock or homesickness
This was a true surprise for me. Even though I already had a good base in the language and had traveled several times before to France, I was prepared to have culture shock and homesickness. I studied the charts and articles and knew that somewhere around month three to six it would probably hit and that it would then take several more months to get through that and finally come out resigned to my life abroad.
I waited, and I waited, and… it never happened. The same goes for my husband. We both marveled as the months passed that the culture shock and disenchantment that we were told to expect never came.
I have a few theories as to why this is the case, but I’ll never be 100% sure why we escaped culture shock. First, we were very, very well acquainted with the French language and culture. No doubt that was a big help.
Second, my husband and I are a very self-contained unit and truly only need each other to be happy and at home anywhere. We’re like that song lyric by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros “Home is wherever I’m with you”, so we’re very fortunate to be very close and each other’s best friends.
Third, we’re both spiritual people, and we immediately connected with an English-language religious community in Lyon. This gave us a large and diverse group of friends (both French and native English speakers) who over the months have become family. I often see making friends as one of the biggest challenges for expats, especially in France, and I feel very blessed that we didn’t have to struggle at all with this. I have an abundance of friends in Lyon that I can rely on and I truly don’t ever feel lonely. I highly recommend getting connected with a community that you share a common interest with (sports, hobbies, spirituality, etc…) to anyone moving abroad to help find friends. I think this was a very important reason we didn’t feel homesickness.
And finally, my fourth reason leads into the final point of this article.
I feel at home in France
After a year spent in France, I feel more at ease and at home here than I ever did anywhere in the US. I’m not sure why exactly, but I always felt out of place when I lived in the United States. My personality and values didn’t seem to align with the majority of people around me and I felt that I had to hide or submerge parts of who I am.
Now living in France, I feel like I can truly be who I am inside. It’s not one thing in particular but a whole array of little things about the life and culture here that suits me so much more than my life in the US. I joke that I’m an “English-speaking French person” because of how at home I feel here.
That being said, this is my experience with my unique personality of living in France. I do not think it’s for everyone. I think there are equally people who could move here and would be more unhappy than where they live currently.
However, if you’ve always had a niggling feeling of being out of place and at odds with where you live, it might be worth considering if a move somewhere else (perhaps abroad, perhaps not) might be worth the plunge if it means you could live somewhere more in line with who you truly are.
Conclusion
There you have it. My thoughts and reflections on life in France after a year abroad. It hasn’t been perfect, but it’s more than surpassed my expectations, and I hope to be able to stay here for as long as possible.
I hope if you’re considering taking the plunge and moving abroad that you seriously consider doing so. What’s the worst that can happen? You hate it and move back home? Ok, but at least you’ll have tried. But I think it’s more likely you’ll have a fantastic, eye-opening experience.
